i had an abortion 8 weeks before i turned 40.
\ni was a divorced mother with 3 kids and my youngest child who was 9 at the time is disabled with learning disabilities and autism and has always been difficult to look after. my older kids were in school and life wasn\u2019t easy – i work full time to pay a mortgage and give my kids a good standard of living. when i found out i was pregnant, i had just come out of an abusive relatiship with a man whom i had been with for just over a year. this had been my first serious relationship since getting divorced 5 years earlier. the \u2018father\u2019 abused substances and was rarely in a job and looking back, the only reason i entered a relationship with him was because i had low self esteem and he wouldn\u2019t leave me alone. i didn\u2019t believe at the time i could do any better and i was lonely.<\/p>\n
i made an agonizing decision when i was 7 weeks pregnant and i had attempted to reconcile with him for the sake of the baby, but he was being continuously abusive towards me and my kids. i couldn\u2019t continue with the pregnancy as i knew that i\u2019d have to be on my own and move away to get away from him. looking after 3 kids, 1 with special needs, working full time and being in a lot of financial debt, i knew that i was kidding myself and wouldn’t be able to cope.<\/p>\n
i have never felt so alone in my life, my mother told me that she wouldn\u2019t help, my grandmother offered to help clear my debt but only if i went through with the abortion. i had nobody.<\/p>\n
i considered adoption but i knew that once i had the baby i wouldn\u2019t be able to go through with it. i love kids and desperately wanted my baby but i knew that i\u2019d be risking my own sanity and the quality of life of my other 3 kids if i kept the baby.<\/p>\n
on the day of the abortion, i ran out of the hospital ward crying before i had the operation, but realized i had nowhere to turn, that i’d likely lose my other kids to my ex-husband and my home due to the debt i was in. i had no choice.<\/p>\n
i went back through to the ward and was constantly sick with pregnancy nausea and nerves. i only got myself together when a young girl in the bed opposite was sobbing her heart out and i guess i took on the role of mom to try and make her feel better.<\/p>\n
i realized then that i had to be brave and go through with it. my abortion happened when i was 11 weeks and 4 days pregnant.<\/p>\n
i know i made the right decision for my kids lives as well as mine. it was the hardest decision i ever had to make and to be honest i sobbed every day for the first 2 years after i lost my baby and have done so every other day since. it’s been 7 years.<\/p>\n
i bought a memory box and wrote a letter to my baby saying how sorry i was and i also bought a mizuko jizo buddha ornament to remember my unborn baby. this helped me heal a little in time. the mizuko jizo is believed by japanese culture to help aborted and miscarried babies go from the river of life to death safely.<\/p>\n
i\u2019m approaching 47 years old and my daughter is pregnant with her first child and whilst i\u2019m excited about being a grandmother, i privately feel guilt and sadness about my own baby whom i wanted so badly, but i know that no matter what anybody else says, i made the right decision for my family and nobody knows how they will feel and what they will do until they are in that position. until that point in life, i never thought i\u2019d ever have an abortion; it is a private and painful decision for anybody and whilst i\u2019ve found it difficult to live with, i feel a bit better with each passing day.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
i had an abortion 8 weeks before i turned 40.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":4,"featured_世界杯2022亚洲预选赛b组 ":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[296],"tags":[309,298,301],"class_list":["post-20867","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-abortion-stories","tag-abusive-relationship","tag-faith","tag-mother"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"\/\/www.k12fl.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/20867"}],"collection":[{"href":"\/\/www.k12fl.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"\/\/www.k12fl.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"\/\/www.k12fl.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/4"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"\/\/www.k12fl.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=20867"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"\/\/www.k12fl.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/20867\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"\/\/www.k12fl.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/世界杯2022亚洲预选赛b组 ?parent=20867"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"\/\/www.k12fl.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=20867"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"\/\/www.k12fl.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=20867"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}