my 1 in 3 story. this election has bothered me like no other one ever. many reasons…. all the hate; racist remarks & attacks on people who are different; the horrific sexual remarks against women. the attacks against planned parenthood & then the relentless attacks against women who have had an abortion. that horrific debate when trump spoke of babies being ripped out of mother’s wombs at full term.<\/p>\n
my story goes back over 45 years to 1971. maybe a total of 10 people know this secret. only one of my best friends right now know it. i was 18 years old. i had just graduated from high school a few months prior. i made maybe $2.00 per hour. i lived at home with my parents. i had been dating a new guy that summer. i was trying to heal my broken heart. my childhood sweetheart & i had broken up our senior year to date others. then we were to get back together & get married after we graduated. but instead he met a new girl… she become pregnant & they got married before we even graduated. so i went wild that summer. drinking, experimenting with drugs & sex that summer.<\/p>\n
by august i found out i was pregnant. i did not love the guy. he did not want the baby. he went to the library to get me books on abortion to read. i think they had 3 of them. i read them but didn’t want to do it. but i did not have the nerve to tell my parents. abortion was not legal in nc. my sister lived in pa. her husband was a doctor. he & my sister talk me into it & found me a doctor where he worked. the books i read claimed as long as i did it asap it was not a baby yet. those books made me believe it would not be murder. i didn’t believe in what i was going to do… i just knew i could not tell my mother. so i flew to pa.<\/p>\n
until i had to write a letter explaining why i wanted the procedure i didn’t really understand. but the words stared flowing out. there was no way i could support a baby by myself on what i made. i had not lived yet how could i support & take care of a baby. i knew it would not be fair to the child. the father would never help. it would just be my parents & me. plus that fear of telling my parents was so great. my parents were older than most of my friends parents. i just could not do this to them. my mother never worried about one of us getting cancer & dying. she just worried about one of us getting pregnant before we were married.<\/p>\n
it was my mother that made me realize i was late. god bless her… she knew when my periods were. so as soon as i realized i was late i was at a doctor in mt. holly with a jar of urine. within a week i was in pa.
\ni had never been to an ob dr before. i was sure young & dumb! but the first ob that worked at the clinic where my brother-n-law worked was a jerk. he wanted to admit me to the physic ward for a week first. so my sister told him off & we left. victor called my sister’s ob & he was great. he did it that monday for just the charges of the hospital. all i had to do was bring the letter. i never heard a heartbeat. i do not remember if i was told how far along i was. i just know it was all a whirlwind. before i knew it i was back home & praying every day that god would forgive me. it was never the same with the guy. we were friends for awhile. about 5 year later, i met someone new & got married. a few years later i was pregnant. i was scared to death god would punish me for what i had done. i prayed non stop for a healthy baby.<\/p>\n
thank goodness she was perfect. but i still prayed & worried every time she got sick. i have never forgotten what i had done. every september which was the month i had the abortion. every april-may when it would have been born. i knew god had forgiven me but i could never fully forgive myself.<\/p>\n
i had finally gotten better that when all the pro-life crap started. it was so hard to read billboards & bumper stickers calling me a murderer. many times i had to pull off the road in tears from reading them. i learned to never discuss abortion with anyone who was against it. i got too emotional & you cannot have a secret & debate at the same time.<\/p>\n
for over 45 years i have cried & thought about a child i never had. i look at my beautiful daughter & her children. if i had not had the abortion & had a child at 18 unmarried…. then i doubt i would have ever met her dad & had her. i cannot imagine my life without her in it. i do not know what direction my life would have taken me. i do know i was destine to be a single mother. but i was older, more mature & settled at work when i chose that road to take.<\/p>\n
when my daughter became pregnant the first time she showed me a website to follow the development by weeks. that was when i realized for the first time that what i was told back in 1971 could have been incorrect. i believe it wasn’t a fully formed baby. but now i can see both sides of the argument.<\/p>\n
i will always agree it is a woman’s choice to do what she thinks is best. it is a decision between a woman & her god. because i tell you from experience…. if you have a caring heart you will carry your decision with you always.<\/p>\n
for over 45 years i have remembered a child i did not have. i have felt guilty when i hear of couples trying to have children & cannot. i have felt anger & sadness at what the pro-lifers call people like me. i felt total anger at trump for wanting to punish me. believe me trump… i have punished myself enough already. i do not need you to do it anymore.<\/p>\n
i know that god had a plan for my life. my daughter was in that plan. along with my wonderful parents. i took care of them both until their deaths. so since their passing they both now know the deep dark secret i kept from them. i feel their love, understanding & support. i explained what i had done to my daughter when she was old enough to understand. i will do the same to my wonderful grandchildren when they are old enough.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
my 1 in 3 story. this election has bothered me like no other one ever.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":4,"featured_世界杯2022亚洲预选赛b组 ":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[296],"tags":[338],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"\/\/www.k12fl.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/20698"}],"collection":[{"href":"\/\/www.k12fl.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"\/\/www.k12fl.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"\/\/www.k12fl.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/4"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"\/\/www.k12fl.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=20698"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"\/\/www.k12fl.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/20698\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"\/\/www.k12fl.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/世界杯2022亚洲预选赛b组 ?parent=20698"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"\/\/www.k12fl.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=20698"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"\/\/www.k12fl.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=20698"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}