i was nervous the night before. more nervous than i had ever been. but even my nerves couldn\u2019t overcome the deep fatigue that overcame me.
\ni was told to be there at 9am.<\/p>\n
when we arrived, there were a few people waiting outside the office since it hadn\u2019t opened yet. when it did open, the waiting room filled up quickly. i remember wondering if everyone in the room was there for the same thing i was. when it was my turn to check-in, i was told that because the provider was not in my insurance\u2019s network, i would have to wait a few days for the referral to process before i could get the procedure, otherwise, i\u2019d have to pay out-of-pocket. my eyes swelled. i didn\u2019t want to be there. if it was going to happen, it had to happen today. i left the waiting room and went to the hallway.<\/p>\n
i could barely see the screen of my phone as a dialed my sister. my eyes were blurry from tears. my mom called. i didn\u2019t want to tell my parents. i was too ashamed. i felt like i was always making mistakes and being too impulsive. this was just another thing that would disappoint them. not to say my parents are disappointed in me. they don\u2019t act like they are or treat me like they are. i just feel my worst when i upset them, and i feel like i do that a lot.<\/p>\n
my mom sent her credit card information for me to use. i calmed down, dried my eyes, and went back into the waiting room to finish checking-in.
\nthey called me in and asked me a few questions. \u201cis this what you want?\u201d no. i said \u201cyes.\u201d they gave me a muscle relaxant to keep my nerves down and reduce the pain, then sent me back to the waiting room.
\nthey called me in again. i sat on the table and laid down. the gel was cold. \u201csix weeks and a day,\u201d she said. i wanted so badly to see the image, but i didn\u2019t ask. back to the waiting room.<\/p>\n
they called my name. this was it. i wanted to leave and never look back. i didn\u2019t. i laid down on the table and put my feet in the stirrups. i felt a pinch in my arm and began counting. i don\u2019t remember what number i got to but i was woozy, but it didn\u2019t take my mind off the cramping. i could barely move, but that didn\u2019t stop me from jerking. \u201calmost done, just one more.\u201d it was like a parasite had invaded my body, and with that last suck, it was gone. i felt refreshed. i felt relieved. i hate those feelings the most.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
i was nervous the night before. more nervous than i had ever been.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":4,"featured_世界杯2022亚洲预选赛b组 ":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[296],"tags":[307],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"\/\/www.k12fl.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/20643"}],"collection":[{"href":"\/\/www.k12fl.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"\/\/www.k12fl.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"\/\/www.k12fl.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/4"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"\/\/www.k12fl.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=20643"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"\/\/www.k12fl.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/20643\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"\/\/www.k12fl.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/世界杯2022亚洲预选赛b组 ?parent=20643"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"\/\/www.k12fl.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=20643"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"\/\/www.k12fl.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=20643"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}