i bought the test and it ended up being positive. i wasn\u2019t the most \u201cregular\u201d but somehow, that month i had known. when my boyfriend\u00a0came home i showed him the test, while sitting on our bed. it was funny actually; his reactions mirrored the ones i\u2019d had a couple hours before. he smiled, laughed, and hugged me. then his face lost colour, and he started to look sad. we agreed we weren\u2019t ready for what was coming and we made a doctor\u2019s appointment. on the day of the procedure my friend, katie, drove me to the clinic. my boyfriend had a final that day, and i was determined to pretend it was just a regular day. in our separate room in the clinic we had a tv. i remember laughing because whatever station they had put on kept playing episodes of house hunters, pregnant in heels, and the nanny. it was dark, depressing and probably inappropriate (although unintentionally) but somehow it created a community; a group where we could all start telling our stories.<\/p>\n
i was the second last to go in, the girl before me gave a \u201cthumbs up\u201d as she was walked to the recovery room (we had decided earlier this would be our \u2018sign\u2019 about if it was bearable). katie was in room with me. she held my hand, we talked about who knows what, and she made me laugh, while the doctors did their thing. to this day she is my only friend who knows about any of it. after giving my thumbs up to the last remaining girl i headed to the recovery room, only to be told that they needed to do it again\u2026. \u201cthe doctor was looking, and couldn\u2019t find everything\u201d. i didn\u2019t have katie in the room that time, or during the recovery after.<\/p>\n
it\u2019s been a year now, almost. my best friend is having twins in january, and another friend is due in 3 weeks. sometimes i think \u201cif things had been different\u2026(insert thing)\u2026 would be happening\u201d. last july 8th i told my boyfriend that \u201cif our choice had been different i probably would be in labour now\u201d. other than that though, i don\u2019t feel much. should i feel more? some people that have abortions regret it for years, some feel relief. i felt sore for a few weeks, then shame for not being more affected. am i messed up? heartless? or is this just how some people feel? initially i didn\u2019t tell my friend (the one having twins) because she and her husband were struggling to get pregnant. how could i tell her i was able to have a child but wasn\u2019t going to keep it when that was all she wanted in the world? now though, i don\u2019t tell her for other reasons. how could she (or anyone) understand my numbness; my complete indifference towards it all?<\/p>\n
in the end though what matters i guess is choice. i made the choice and i live with the choice. my boyfriend\u2019s opinion mattered a lot to me. this child was his, as much as it was mine. * in the end we move on, we keep living, and maybe it moves to the back of our minds but it\u2019s never gone completely\u2026.<\/p>\n
*a complete side note, but i think resources for men who are affected by abortion need to be increased. although it\u2019s fair to say that women are the ones who carry and birth the child (maybe implying they are more attached) this is definitely an issue that affects men and needs closer inspection. because men are told they should be \u201cstrong\u201d, \u201cunemotional\u201d or to just \u201caccept\u201d abortion we don\u2019t often think of them needing support, when in reality they probably need supports just as much as women, yet they are harder to find.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
i bought the test and it ended up being positive. i wasn\u2019t the most \u201cregular\u201d but somehow, that […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":4,"featured_世界杯2022亚洲预选赛b组 ":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[296],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"\/\/www.k12fl.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/19761"}],"collection":[{"href":"\/\/www.k12fl.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"\/\/www.k12fl.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"\/\/www.k12fl.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/4"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"\/\/www.k12fl.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=19761"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"\/\/www.k12fl.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/19761\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"\/\/www.k12fl.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/世界杯2022亚洲预选赛b组 ?parent=19761"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"\/\/www.k12fl.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=19761"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"\/\/www.k12fl.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=19761"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}