i was 19 when i had an abortion.<\/p>\n
i was in my first sexual relationship and we were living together.
\nmy father was addicted to crack cocaine and i didn’t move out of my childhood home so much as flew from it as fast as i could.<\/p>\n
we had one episode of unprotected make up sex. the next day, i made an appointment with an ob\/gyn to go on the pill.<\/p>\n
i was told i couldn’t go on the pill until i got my period. i insisted that i couldn’t possibly be pregnant.<\/p>\n
my period never came.<\/p>\n
i remember my boyfriend walking in on me sobbing after i got a positive pregnancy test. i told him i’d had a bad day at work.<\/p>\n
the only person i told was my best friend. she was supposed to go to the clinic with me, but her car broke down. i didn’t drive, so i took the bus by myself.<\/p>\n
i remember walking around the local shopping mall afterward in a daze, by myself.
\ni remember trying to remember the instructions i was given for what i could and couldn’t eat or drink with my antibiotics.
\ni remember being scared.
\ni remember being by myself.<\/p>\n
with the exception of my best friend, i told no one for years.<\/p>\n
i knew with absolute certainty what i was going to do even before i saw that plus sign.<\/p>\n
i knew that if i had a child i wouldn’t finish college and would be returning to the life i had fought so hard to escape from.<\/p>\n
it’s twelve years later.
\ni’m 31.
\ni finished college.
\ni finished medical school.<\/p>\n
it’s startling to me that, theoretically, i could have an eleven year old child.
\nit’s strange that it even happened because that life seems like another lifetime belonging to someone else completely.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
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