building block |
definition |
example(s) |
situation |
adult response |
verbal: |
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1. listening |
focusing on the present; not bringing up past problems or mistakes; creating safety to express anything |
i feel that right now you need me to just listen to you. |
dad, it’s been a terrible day. absolutely horrible—i really messed up! |
would you like to tell me about it? i’ll just listen. |
2. praising |
giving earned rewards frequently; recognizing efforts rather than products or end results |
you worked so long and so hard on the project. |
look at what i made with my blocks and trucks and sticks! |
you worked a long time to build your city and look at how you used every block. |
3. feeling |
sharing feelings such as anger, joy, and frustration; using "i" statements |
1) i feel …, 2) i’m so angry when you …, and 3) i love you. |
i hate you! |
i love you and feel very sad when you say that. |
4. respecting |
letting others make decisions; avoiding judging and advising; trying to help him/her make his/her own decisions |
1) it’s your choice. and 2) what can i do to help you? |
mom, i don’t know what to do. he says he will break up with me if i don’t go all the way. |
what can i do to help you with this tough decision? |
5. listening |
identifying the feeling as well as the content and asking the person to confirm it |
it sounds like you were very frustrated by the class change. is that right? |
i can’t believe that my teacher is giving me a "c" on my paper. i worked really hard and did everything he told me to do. |
you sound very frustrated and disappointed? is that right? would you like to talk about it? |
6. trusting |
being consistent; asking for input and understanding that children need to learn in their own way even if they make mistakes |
i know you will be thoughtful and responsible. |
she is a good driver. she is careful and makes everyone wear a seatbelt. can i ride to the lake with her? |
i know i can trust you and you have good judgment. |
7. affirming |
finding the positive to express |
1) you are so competent. and 2) you make me happy when you … |
dad, look at me, look at me! i swam to the other side of the pool. |
you are such a good swimmer and know how to be safe in the water. |
8. reflective listening |
reflecting what another says; paraphrasing a person’s words so he/she know he/she has been heard |
you sound angry about your friend’s response. is that so? |
you won’t believe what she said and did to me. i’ll never be her friend again! |
you sound very angry with her. is that right? would you like to talk about it? |
9. clarifying |
asking for more information when unsure |
could you tell me more about your fight with your friend? |
i hate him. he’s such a dumb-dumb. i don’t care if i ever play with him again. |
can you tell me more about what happened with him? |
nonverbal: |
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10. acting |
finding physical ways to show care, concern, and attention |
1) making eye contact, 2) touching when appropriate, 3) hugging, 4) staying near the person. |
your child comes home from school, slams the door shut, drops his/her clothes on the floor, kicks the cabinet, and turns on the tv. |
you sit next to your child, hold his/her hand, look him/her in the eye, and then tell him/her that you would like to know why he/she is so angry. |