i was 23 and working for my stepdad. he ran a car wash. it was a hot and dirty “man job”, but i was surprisingly paid well and it was low stress. i had intentions of getting my “big girl” job soon, but i was enjoying being a girl in her lower 20s and not having much responsibility. i had just escaped from a long term abusive relationship, i wanted to have some fun and keep my laid back job for a little longer.

then i met a guy. kyle. we had been long time facebook friends. i ran into him while i was out with friends and recognized him. we hit it off, and he invited me to his house the next week. he cooked me meatloaf and we watched a movie. little did we know that just 3 months later, we would be faced with something life altering.

i remember being only days late on my period, but decided to take a test anyways for my own peace of mind. when i saw those 2 pink lines pop up, i was numb. i collected myself and walked back to the bedroom where my boyfriend was waiting. i told him that it was positive, and then we sat in silence. he finally spoke up and asked what we were going to do, and i said i couldn’t make any decisions yet. i needed some time to process it.

after a few days i knew what i needed to do. i needed an abortion. i had no health insurance. even with our pay combined we would struggle to support a kid. i couldn’t work at the wash once i was super pregnant. on top of that, i suddenly felt like i barely knew this guy. we had only been together for 3 months.

i went to his house and told him what i wanted to do, and he agreed that he was 100% not ready for kid. we also decided that we needed to split up. this was too big of a thing to deal with this early into a relationship, and we both needed away from each other for a bit.

he asked if i wanted him to come with me to my appointment, and i said no. i would feel better without the added awkwardness. he paid for half, and met my dad to give him the money since i didn’t want to see him at the time.

the staff was compassionate and wonderful. i was there for several hours, but the procedure was quick. the nurse held my hand and chatted with me to keep my mind off of things. i knew that this is what i needed to do, and i felt relieved once it was over. i did have a moment a couple of days later where i cried, and i spent a few days feeling sad. i surrounded myself with friends and then began to heal and was able to start truly believing that i made the right decision.

a couple of months later it just seemed like a bad dream. i would think about it some, but it didn’t weigh heavily on my mind anymore. i went out with friends, and i saw him. kyle was there. at the same place i met him the first time. i felt okay speaking to him now. it didn’t take long, but feelings and emotions came rushing back.

kyle and i have been together for almost 5 years now and got married in august. we have careers. we have a home. and we have a one year old son. 5 years ago it wasn’t time for us to bring a child in. we never would have been able to create the life and loving home that we can now provide to our son back then.

when we found out i was pregnant the second time, even though it was again the result of a broken condom, the feeling was excitement. we were excited to be parents to a child that we can provide a good life for. having an abortion because you aren’t equipped to be a parent is a perfectly acceptable reason to do so, and you can still have a happy and healthy family when you are ready later. i love my family, and i don’t regret my decision.