i'm called a murderer, a sinner, and worse. i made the decision to terminate a planned and wanted pregnancy because my baby was dying inside of me and her condition could have become "mirror syndrome" and cause damage and swelling to my organs as well.

if there was more support for pregnant women, if i had more support in general i would not have had the abortion.

abortion was not something i ever thought i would do. i always said i would support anyone who made that decision, but that i didn't think i would ever make that choice for myself. i still wonder about what my life would be like if i'd had my son.

birth day-for elloise
on the day that you were born, i woke up extra early, just so i could have you in my tummy, a little while longer.
on the day that you were born, i wore my favorite faded and ripped jean shirt, so that i could feel comfortable.

“obviously, i want you to get rid of it.” those words hung in the air like jagged bits of ice before they fell to the ground. i had called my ex partner with the news before i submitted an application to an international development organization. my body knew before i did, and the home tests confirmed it.

on a tuesday i had a d&e abortion for medical reasons. on that friday the governor in my home state, ohio, made that punishable by law with the signing of sb 145.