birth day-for elloise
on the day that you were born, i woke up extra early, just so i could have you in my tummy, a little while longer.
on the day that you were born, i wore my favorite faded and ripped jean shirt, so that i could feel comfortable.

“obviously, i want you to get rid of it.” those words hung in the air like jagged bits of ice before they fell to the ground. i had called my ex partner with the news before i submitted an application to an international development organization. my body knew before i did, and the home tests confirmed it.

on a tuesday i had a d&e abortion for medical reasons. on that friday the governor in my home state, ohio, made that punishable by law with the signing of sb 145.

i found out i was pregnant in june 2018. i was dating someone i loved, but i had just finished my second degree and was prepping to study for a major exam that could make or break my career.

i am 26 years old and i’ve never really gone through life with any semblance of a long-term plan, but i always knew one day with certainty that i wanted to have children.

i wrote a note to my unborn child a few days after my abortion. for context, i thought i was 7 weeks pregnant when i had my first ultrasound but i was actually 19 weeks pregnant. i am 19 years old and in college.