i had an abortion when i was 20 years old. i had just struggled to get out of an emotionally abusive and very isolating relationship when i discovered that i was pregnant. the first thing i did was call my mother, who was incredibly supportive… she became one of those “ok. let’s face this problem head-on” kind of moms, which was exactly what i needed. thank goodness i lived in a state that respected and protected my right to choose. had i not been able to make the choice that was right for me, i would probably still have a space in my life occupied by the man i had just ended a relationship with. he was physically and emotionally destructive to himself and emotionally destructive to me, and i can’t imagine the kind of life our child would have had. i’m very grateful that i had the support i needed from a very understanding family and knowledgable, kind, and compassionate health care providers. i do remember my mother saying, “no one else ever needs to know about this.” that made me feel ashamed. i remember when i told my current boyfriend, thinking he would be disappointed in me, or somehow not feel the same as he once did, but i was wrong. he was kind and thoughtful, and asked me if i was ok. i used to not really know how i felt about having had an abortion, but today i don’t feel shame anymore. i feel grateful and proud that after fighting to leave a terrible relationship, i had the courage to make the choice that was right for me. i do think that it has made me a more thoughtful person, and less judgmental of others who have to make difficult choices. one action doesn’t define someone, and having had an abortion certainly doesn’t define me.