i had to have a shot when i was 17 to start having periods, and then went on the pill, even though i wasn’t sexually active, to correct the severe hormonal imbalance that i had, regulate my periods and dissolve the cysts. had that not worked i would have had to have surgery to remove the cysts. i was told for years that due to this, there was scarring left on my ovaries that would leave me barren. i was actually glad to hear this, never having wanted to have children. i came from an extremely abusive background, and was not about to continue that generational cycle of abuse. i essentially had to raise myself, and completely recreate myself through years of therapy to become a productive, happy, high functioning adult. when i was 32, i had reconnected with someone that i’d been involved with in my mid-twenties. it was dysfunctional, but i had to reengage to figure that out and finish it. i figured out that i was pregnant quickly. i felt poisoned, and was so sick i couldn’t get out of bed. my abdomen was already expanding to the point that i could barely zip my jeans. i knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that i was not meant to bear children and be a mother in this lifetime, and he couldn’t deal with anything smacking of responsibility. when i was 7 weeks pregnant, i had an abortion, and the only thing i felt was an overwhelming sense of relief, and a strong resolve to never allow this to happen again, and it never did-birth control pills, iuds, condoms….had i carried to term, i would have a 24 year old child now, and i have no whimsical regrets about my actions; nor do i fantasize about, ‘what might have been…’ i have spent a large % of this lifetime helping others in many ways-people living with hiv/aids, addiction recovery counseling, and have myself been clean and sober for over 29 years.