i found out i was pregnant when i was 32. i had a 13 year old at the time. i called my boyfriend (also the father of my 13 year old) and told him. i was crying hysterically. i knew that i didn’t want another child, but didn’t “believe” in abortion unless you were raped. this was my own personal belief at the time. i didn’t preach or anything like that.

i was extremely upset and embarrassed when i called to make the appointment. i decided to go the medical abortion route vs. surgical (abortion pills). i guess in my mind it would be easier on me emotionally. (selfish of myself, i know) i went into the office, they gave me a pregnancy test, an exam and ultrasound. i was then given two pills to take in the office and the rest i was to take at home. i took them as prescribed and had to go back to the office a week or so later. i again had to take a pregnancy test. i asked the nurse what the results were. she told me that the dr. would go over them with me. right then i knew that the pills didn’t work. the dr. gave me another ultrasound. it showed that the pills did not work. i started crying hysterically again. i believed that it didn’t work because it wasn’t meant to be, but knew that i would have to have the surgical abortion either way since i already took the pills and did have a partial abortion at home. they were unable to sedate me due to the fact that i had already had something to eat or drink that day. i was awake the whole time. they did give me a shot in my cervix to numb me. the shot hurt like hell and it didn’t even numb me. i sat there legs up and strapped to the stirrups (yes,they strap your legs so you don’t kick the dr.) it was the most horrible thing i’ve ever gone through. i could hear the sucking sound and knew exactly what it was. i of course was crying, and refused to look at the “jar” that everything was being suctioned into. i was then put in a recovery room. there was another girl in there. it was a very awkward feeling. we both knew why the other was in there. i was sent home with a prescription that had to be filled at the pharmacy.the pharmacist asked my boyfriend what the pills were for (because if i was pregnant i could not take them because they will cause a miscarriage). after a week or so i had to go back to the office. they again gave me a pregnancy test, then gave me an ultrasound and an exam. the pregnancy test came back negative and the ultrasound showed that everything had been removed. the dr. informed me that the biopsy they sent out showed that there was fetal matter. that was the end of that. i was no longer pregnant. i was mad, not because i wasn’t pregnant. i was mad at myself for getting pregnant in the first place. if my boyfriend and i had just used a condom in the first place this would’ve never happened. it’s a hell that can be prevented so easily.