i am a rapid cycling bipolar who had an abortion due to going completely off meds and still had a 6 yr old to take care of. i suffer now from an incident that has happened since my first son and for the last 5 yrs have been dealing w/severe anxiety and ptsd. when i was pregnant w/ my second i truly thought at one point i was going to hurt my first child. i could not let that happen and hospitals do not help for more than 5 days. i don’t know why my first pregnancy was not as rocky. it wasn’t nice either, but emotions were tolerable. maybe it was the breakdown after the first. i would love a baby; that is what is so breaking about it but no one would ever feel that i had a reason to mourn since if anyone in family/friends/church found out would feel i am a murderer. and maybe i am. i have asked for forgiveness and i hope the baby will be in heaven.