a previous long-term relationship had just ended and i hadn’t even dealt with difficulties of that yet before getting pregnant with someone i barely knew. it was meant to just be a “fling” i told myself. i was feeling weak, vulnerable, confused and overall just depressed with my life to the point where i would get intoxicated and harm myself.
my period was late. as it usually is, especially with the amount of stress in my life at that time. so i didn’t think anything of it until one morning i woke up, looked in the mirror before my shower and saw blue veins all over my breasts. at that point i knew i needed to get a pregnancy test. those two lines showed up right away. all i remember saying is “oh shit”. i never thought i’d see those two lines. not yet. all i could think about is how bad this is going to look being pregnant after a 6 year relationship ending a few months prior. the new guy i guess i was seeing now seemed happy about it. he had all of these plans for us already. it hadn’t even been 2 official months of dating and i was expected to be a mother and eventually his wife if he had it his way. i didn’t even want to date anyone right now and here i am… pregnant. i spent many days crying alone, laying in bed wondering what i was going to do now. i was taking prenatal vitamins, bought a pregnancy book and had an app tracking my progress so far. i thought i was going to go with it until one day it just clicked. i didn’t want this child’s life to start with custody battles as i knew i didn’t want to be with the father. i didn’t have a good enough job for a child, and i wanted to better myself before bringing another life into this world who is going to rely on me to live. i wasn’t happy with my life so how could i bring a child into that? so i made my appointment. i didn’t tell the father until the day before because i knew he would try and talk me out of it. he made me feel like an awful human about my decision as i predicted, but i kept my decision. may 31st of that year is when i went through with it. i will never forget that day. i know 100% i made the right decision but i still feel sad some days. having an abortion isn’t an easy decision by any means but it is an option that i’m thankful for.
i now have a fantastic job, i am in a great new relationship and also in a much better place mentally. now i look forward to the day i have children with the right man.