the symptoms of pregnancy were way more intense than what i expected. i was throwing up everyday at least 2 times a day and couldn’t keep anything down. the second we read the two pregnancy tests, my husband decided it wasn’t an option for us to keep this baby. we were not financially ready or emotionally ready for this child. i was 19 and he was 22. we were supposed to have a plan for our life. until this. i wanted to love this baby but i knew that i couldnt have it. i felt like i had no choice. when i went into the clinic to get the pills, i felt so awful and awkward that i was laughing the whole time. it was just coping mechanism for knowing that i was making one of the biggest decisions of my life. the next day when i took the pills, it was so traumatizing. blood everywhere and the pain…oh my gosh the pain almost made me pass out. the doctor had told me to get comfort foods and watch a movie. she didnt prepare me for this. i bled out my baby for weeks after. and eventually came out the sac. i felt at peace knowing it was over but now i have to live with the guilt. to whoever is reading this: i made this choice because my family was not ready for a child. i am thankful that i was able to make this choice for me and my family however i will always have guilt about this. i will never have a day go by where i wonder who she/he would’ve been or what they would’ve done.