conception
i’ve been with my supportive and loving partner for two years. we are in our mid 20’s.
we were using the natural family planning method effectively until i ovulated early one month.
i take ovulation tests, and on the day i ovulated i was very nervous.
i was hoping my body would know i’m not ready, ,and give me another chance.
sperm can live for 5 days, and we had sex three days earlier.
i was holding ice packs on my ovaries hoping that i wouldn’t conceive.
after my period was three days late, i took a test and it was positive.
i took three more tests before i allowed my mind to wander too far.
they were all positive.

finding options
the next morning, i called planned parenthood to get information about abortion.
i was surprised that i didn’t have to wait to schedule an appointment,
and to find out that they can do a surgical abortion as soon as you have a positive pregnancy test.
i thought i was going to have to wait until i was 5-6 weeks,
but they said i could schedule it any time because i’d had a positive pregnancy test.
you date your pregnancy starting from the first day of your last period.
i was 4 weeks pregnant according to that, but i had conceived only two weeks ago.
it was very early and i was still able to make an appointment for two days later.

pre-abortion
i was nervous that i would be on too many drugs or in too much pain for the 2 hour ride home.
i was horrified, and felt like i was about to go get a tooth pulled at the vagina dentist or something.
i was given information to read of very rare, scary things that could happen.
i panicked as soon as they called me back.
they did a vaginal ultrasound, and gave me the option to see printed photos.
it was a tiny gestational sac, only a couple millimeters big
it was so early on that they couldn’t see any sign of a forming fetus or pregnancy tissue at all.
it was just a very tiny black dot.
my partner was allowed to come in for the ‘education” part, when they explained the procedure,
but he was not allowed back for the procedure itself.
they explained that after that did the procedure,
they would check to see if there was any pregnancy tissue in the gestational sack
to make sure it was successful.
they inserted an i.v and drew my blood through it to make sure i was healthy enough to proceed.
i asked if i could keep the stress ball that they had me squeeze when inserting the i.v.
they took my medical history and then gave me 800mg ibuprofen to help with cramps afterward
and an antibiotic to help prevent infection.

the abortion
the doctor came in, and gave me fentonal and versed into my i.v. tube
i was very very surprised by how mild the drugs were,
and that they didnt have to wait for them to kick in at all.
i cried as soon as i felt the speculum, anticipating the coming pain.
they gave me two lidocaine shots in my cervix, inserted dilating rods,
and then used a manual suction device to evacuate the tissue.
i saw the device beforehand, and it was basically a plastic plunger tube.
i could not differentiate any of the feelings or pains.
it felt like less than 5 minutes of random pinching and pressure.
the tears were because the idea of it scared me, not because the pain was really that bad.
there was a nurse talking to me and detracting me the whole time
it felt like the same about of time as it would take to have a few tubes of blood drawn.
i winced and squeezed the stress ball, then it was done.
the drugs were so mild, i felt completely coherent, and they wore off completely in 10 minutes or so.
when they were done, i had no pain. i was just tired from the mental stress of being anxious about it.
i sat in recovery for 15 minutes then was free to go.
i was fine to be in the car for the 2 hour drive, and to go get ice cream.
i was relieved and compelled to tell other woman that its not that bad.
feel your feelings, but spare yourself of the tears and anxiety
regarding the actual procedure or the pain as much as you can,
because, its really quick and the pain is very tolerable.
i’m not sure what it would be like if your further along, or if you opt out of taking the meds,
but if you get it done early on and take the drugs, its physically very easy to get through.

they did not find pregnancy tissue in the gestational sack, it was too tiny to tell,
i got my blood drawn today to confirm that it was successful.
my hgc hormones dropped, so it was.
i feel that goes to show that people who would think i took a human life are so very wrong.
it wasn’t even the size of an apple seed yet, and there are people who would still call me a baby killer.
how monstrous.
it was just as much of a baby as all the dead sperm cells ejected onto t-shirts.
it was a microscopic egg, and a microscopic sperm that met each other
at a time that i was not ready to let them grow inside of me.
follow your own judgment, use as much protection as possible if your not ready,
try to make your decisions as early on as you can, and if you are about to have an abortion,
try to not get too worked up about the pain or the procedure itself.
mine took 5 minutes or less, and the pain was a 5 or 6 at the very worse parts.
best of luck to you, your life, and your choices.