i never thought i’d ever have one. i tried to conceive for months after finally going off birth control and miscarried. it was devastating enough to end my marriage. i didn’t know anyone who had a miscarriage, it’s like it darkened my life. i thought an abortion would be easier than another miscarriage. yes you can really want to have babies and still have an abortion. a few years later i was relocating and finally found a man who wanted kids. we still used natural family planning and early withdrawal. we told ourselves a pregnancy would be celebrated. then i realized my fiance was a mess. he suddenly quit his job and was threatening to kill his father. i had gotten a job and was about to start working again. we were broke. i suddenly got nausea so severe i couldn’t leave the house. after a few days i found out i was 7 weeks pregnant. no way i could start work like this! i applied for public assistance and contacted charities. i didn’t qualify for any help at all. my family was religious and would not have accepted a child outside of marriage and they were telling me to leave him because he was crazy. i found out my boyfriend’s ex also had an abortion. that man never had kids to this day! i’m guessing his women all ran. i knew i had to stop this nausea and get back to work. i took the abortion pill, managed to keep it down. i didn’t like the clinic but i felt ok again shortly after the first pill. i started my work orientation still bleeding but i felt safe, given another chance at life! i swore i’d never let myself sink so low again and became very elitist and cautious about everything.
my next pregnancy was planned, i had a late miscarriage. i actually had healthcare at this point and realized there was a good chance my abortion would have miscarried as well. i wouldn’t have had the kids i do now if i didn’t abort that child. the man i ended up marrying refused to date women with kids. very unfair because he has kids, but that’s the attitude a lot of people looking for a spouse have. my point is, every abortion situation is so different, we can’t make the decision for anyone. i have gotten a lot of hate from people who say i shouldn’t have had sex. some say i should have had the baby and adopted it out. if i managed to avoid living on the street and had a healthy baby despite no money or insurance i’m sure dcs would have taken the child away and i’d have a felony neglect charge! i would have been more upset having foster care take the baby than i would be about aborting.