during my separation and the final divorce, i had an encounter with an old friend that led to an unplanned pregnancy. the timing could not have been worse and i couldn’t have handled a 4th child at that age, at that stage and under those circumstances. i didn’t want to raise a child, one conceived out of wedlock with a man i didn’t plan to be with for the long term. and i couldn’t have explained it to my 3 young children, my extended family or anyone. i decided to have an abortion and my friend supported me and helped take care of things. however, it was emotional and i was terrified that someone would find out and tell my ex, my kids, or whomever. and that doesn’t even begin to to describe the fear i had of things going wrong in the process or afterward. the worst, though, are the tremendous feelings of guilt and sadness i feel to this day.