my husband and i tried for almost two years to get pregnant. when we decided to try fertility treatments, we both knew we did not want
to do ivf because of the risk of multiples. we were willing to adopt rather than risk multiples. our doctor told us that the oral fertility drugs would not cause a higher risk of a multiple pregnancy. but she was wrong. i became pregnant with triplets.

the fertility team did not seem to understand our grief. they were so happy to have gotten me pregnant, but all i could see were three tiny preemies with lifelong health problems. i couldn’t bring them into the world to suffer. all i could see were three car seats, three cribs, three mouths with only two breasts to feed them. all i could see was them dying in the nicu and me coming home empty handed. it was a terrible vision.

i asked many questions about my chances of carrying them even close to term and received almost no information. it seemed no one knew. so i asked about a pregnancy reduction. the procedure is illegal in louisiana, so i had to drive to houston to get it done. the high risk team there was so understanding. as i sobbed after the termination, the nurse held my hand and helped me realize that it was healthy to grieve for my lost babies. i still do, and i am still absolutely sure that i made the right decision.

as i look at my now four and a half year old healthy full term son, and his two-year-old sister, i am so grateful for the doctor and nurses who were willing to see the bigger picture. and so grateful to have had the choice.