i am 19, a student-athlete in my sophomore of college, with my whole life and career ahead of me. i had an abortion yesterday. i came back from class one day frustrated, annoyed that i was 2 weeks late on my period and wanting to put my mind at ease. i grabbed a pregnancy test that a friend had given me as a joke and went to the bathroom. i was not relieved. i went back to my room and asked my roommate if the test was real and she looked at me and just said, “oh my god…” and gave me a hug. never have i been in such shock. i sat on our couch trembling, unable to move or speak.

my loving roommate made me an appointment at my school’s health center, where the kind nurse came back from doing another test for me and told me that it was positive, but i already knew that. i had been having all the symptoms but thought nothing of them.

i couldn’t skip practice, but i hardly went to class for the next week. i’m not ashamed to say that i got emotional. i also had to find somewhere to have the procedure done. i go to school in a rural area, so finding somewhere to go was hard, and i had no money for the procedure but if i were to tell my parents and ask them to help pay for it, they would have withdrawn me from school.

dealing with this, the last 2 weeks have been a blur. i would not have gotten through it without the support of friends around me who truly love me unconditionally. the procedure was hard. there were protestors outside, the waiting was anxiety-building, and the procedure, which i did awake, was painful and emotional, but i am so grateful. i am grateful for my loving friends. i am grateful for the staff of the philadelphia women’s center, who held my hand and wiped my tears. but mostly, i am grateful that it’s finally over.

my body is not even close to returning to where i want it to be, but knowing that the procedure is done feels like an enormous weight has been lifted off of me. knowing i was pregnant put me in a sort of trance, one of disbelief and stress for the idea of people finding out, for how my body was changing during that time. now that my pregnancy is gone, i sigh in relief.

i am 19 and i have been pregnant. i had an abortion and i do not regret my decision. i am relieved and content.