i was 19 in the middle of a nasty divorce. i managed to get myself pregnant by my soon-to-be ex husband before moving back to my moms. i had every tell tale symptom a few weeks later and truly didn’t even need to take a pregnancy test because i already knew. i got one anyway and took it at my best friends house. she cried when it came back positive. i already knew what i was going to do, but i snapped a picture of the test and sent it to my ex husband, whose only question was “how much is this going to cost me?”.

my friend who was presented when i found was extremely religious at the time and out flat out told me she wouldn’t take me to the clinic. i didn’t want to tell many people because i was afraid of the ridicule; “how did you get pregnant by your ex husband?” “what are you going to do?” “how could you be so stupid?”. i didn’t want to disappoint my mom, who had all her children at a very young age. i got ahold of one of my other close friends who agreed to take me without hesitation. my ex would only send me enough money to cover an abortion where i would be awake, and i bawled. i didn’t want to be conscious for it. the friend who was taking me, her aunt overheard me on the phone literally begging him for the extra $100 so that i could be put under anesthesia, which he would not give me because he was attending a concert that weekend. she came in and handed me a hundred dollar bill and held me while i cried and made the appointment.

the day came and there were both pro choicers and anti choicers outside of the clinic. the anti choicers were holding the typical signs of chopped up fetuses and religious signs about how god would want me to have this baby. the pro choicers walked my friend and i to the door until we were safely inside. i filled out all the paperwork, met with a counselor, met with the dr who explained everything to me, then put me under and completed the procedure. i woke up feeling sleepy but relieved.

the worst time of my life was over. i had no business being a mother at the time and he had no business being a father. none of us were ready. that was june 23rd 2012, and i don’t regret it a single day.