i had two abortions, roughly nine months apart. because at the time, i somehow thought that staying in an unstable relationship and living in poverty was more important than protecting my body. i kept hoping that somehow he would take it upon himself to be more careful when he saw how much pain i went through giving up a chance at a pregnancy – i believed very much that bringing a child up poor was far worse than just ending the pregnancy early. he never got it together, and even after i left him, it took me many years to understand that insisting on protection is not in any way putting up barriers between myself and my partner. i had somehow absorbed the idea that men wanted women with them only for the eventual possibility of having children together, that preventative measures actually put a damper on love. because i had access to abortion i was granted time to mature and go back to school to pursue my bachelor’s degree. i am now working towards a degree in psychology.

most arguments for the right to life center on the innocent nature of the unborn child, and the potential of a new life. this is considered sacred. adults, in particular women, are not viewed with the same sanctity. by the time we are grown, we are seen as tarnished. i had an idea that my life had no value beyond what a man gave me as his partner. and when i discovered i was pregnant i felt unworthy of being a mother. certainly i knew that my partner would not make a great father. and i felt that forcing an innocent, pure child into that circumstance would be damning. it would tarnish that innocence.

before having an abortion i had always wanted to be a mother. i had a chance to become that. but my pregnancy brought home in a way nothing else had that my life was not my own, once i bore a child. now i am staying away from relationships entirely and i am making the most of the agency i have on my own, working at going back to school without the guilt and worry i would be experiencing if i was trying to split my attention between academics and motherhood.

an empowered woman is an economic powerhouse. if i have children later in life, once i attain better education, they are less likely to have a mental illness, less likely to be poor, less likely to be incarcerated, less likely to abuse an intimate partner or become addicted to substances. so i will produce better citizens in my time, should i choose to start a family. i will require fewer services from the government. i will pay more in taxes, i will contribute more to local businesses, and i will be a support to other educated and empowered citizens like me.

abortion was the right choice for me. there are other women out there who were able to have a child in adverse circumstances and rise above. i applaud those women. and i know i would not have been one of them. i am very glad i had the right to choose.