i had just turned 20 and had completed my junior year in college. this was my first sexual relationship; i was naive and ill-informed. we’d had sex only a few times before i realized i was pregnant. we were in the infatuation stage of an early relationship,and i didn’t know him very well. my parents were conservative christians, far from sex-positive; i couldn’t imagine telling them, or raising a child on my own.

to my great good fortune this happened just before roe v. wade. i didn’t really hesitate about the choice. after reading in my college library about fetal development, i learned from the newspaper that a women’s clinic had opened in minneapolis. my best friend from high school and my boyfriend’s brother lent us the money for the procedure. the people at the clinic were lovely, supportive; they made sure that i was sure about what i wanted to do. a nurse held my hand through the procedure, which hurt more than i had expected — something real was happening — but years later i had another procedure where the cervix had to be dilated, and it hurt just as much.

afterward, i felt only tremendous relief. i married that boyfriend and we went through graduate school together before an amicable divorce. i earned my phd and have a fulfilling career as a teacher, and a happy life with a lovely man. sometimes i wonder what it would have been like to have a kid — who would be 40 years old now! but i’ve never regretted this decision. i was nowhere near being ready to nurture another human being, and in some ways, my students have been like my children in that i have been able to help them grow.