everyone says that they will never do it. it’s murder.

you are going to hell. then you are the one who is being judged.way more easier to point your fingers at someone else. i had two previous pregnancies. i had my first child at a very young age. mom tried to force abortion on me. thank god that she wouldn’t have never been able to have had my son.

i had him. i had normal term pregnancy. i finished school and got married five years later to his father. i became pregnant six months into our marriage. i was 20. i had a feeling at 25 weeks something was wrong. i listened to my gut. i went to hospital and was admitted because my baby had stopped growing and had a twin i knew nothing about that had died.

i was put on permanent bed rest in hospital for two weeks. then they let me out of bed. clot had went through my umbilical cord to my uterus making my placenta rupture. i knew nothing about factor five disorder. my son weighed one pound. i got two clots in my leg due to being put to sleep for c section. they told me to never have anymore kids. i would die definitely. the baby might survive a premature birth but couldn’t give me birth control or tie my tubes. i was to naive and stupid to understand. gravity that clots put on your life. i wound up pregnant two years later. my doctors told me i had to choose. leave possibly three kids alive without a mother, possibly killing my baby and myself or abortion. i was devastated.

that was 13 yrs ago today. i never talk about it. my mom and my sister were with me and we never talk about it. i silenced that baby’s voice with a write of a check.this is the first time i have been able to talk about it. i get mad and upset when i see people post crap on facebook about it.until u have been in that situation you have absolutely no grounds to judge me. i live everyday with what feels like my dirty little secret. thanks for finally giving me a voice!