this might be hurtful to many. it was a decision i thought was the right one at the time.
i had been divorced for almost two years, with two children. i love my children to the moon and back. anyway, i started dating a really nice man, whom always made me feel special everywhere we went, come to find out, he was married, i was lost and felt used. but, i had already fallen in love with him. it was hard, he told me that his plans were to get divorced even before i met him. i know i should have left him completely, but he treated me like royalty and my children were treated as well. i didn’t know what to do or think of how things would turn out. well, he did leave his wife and a month later i found out i was pregnant. i was scared, and knew i wasn’t ready for another baby. so, i told him i wanted to have an abortion and he was so against it. he was angry and told me i had to do it on my own. well, i didn’t have the money at the time and i even asked a good friend and they couldn’t help either. i would cry myself to sleep every night and prayed for the right answer. well, he came and gave me the money to do it and i went on and did what i thought was right. the day came so fast that i couldn’t even think straight, but you couldn’t back out now.

so, i did it and at the time i had no regrets. yes, we are still together. two years later, we had a child together. but, i had never regretted my decision till now, not because people are against it, but because he throws it at my face when he hears the word “abortion!” i can honestly say it hurts me when he does this to me. i have learned to tell him, “well, i think if it was meant for me to have the baby at that time, god would have changed my mind and you wouldn’t have gave me the money to do it”, so you, as the man you think you are, think, about it, you helped me by giving me the money, end of story.” so, now he doesn’t bring it up as much but tries his best to make me feel guilty at times.

i’ve learned to fight my anger, my sadness, my regrets and now my anxiety . i’m a church going catholic and i ask for god’s forgiveness everyday! and it’s been 27 years and i still pray for forgiveness. but, i still think it was the right decision i made back then. yes, it should be a woman’s choice and we shouldn’t be judged. who judges those who make the decision to kill prisoners with the death penalty? yes, they should rot in prison forever, but isn’t killing them murder? some say abortion is murder? god forgives them for what they did as well as he forgives those who decide to give them the death penalty. so, i know he has forgiven me. end of story.