at age 22 i understood myself as lesbian. i was a practicing alcoholic and worked at the local state mental hospital in one of the admitting units. one day i was on the other admin. unit when i heard a man’s voice that my body reacted to. when i turned around & saw him, i thought “i want to lay that man!’ so, i did. we had an affair, using no birth control, since i was lesbian, i needed none & he did not see it as his responsibility, assuming i would be on it as his women usually were. we both were drinking heavily & smoking pot. when i realized i was pregnant i also knew the fetus would have little chance of not being affected by fetal alcohol syndrome. i had worked with adults with afs. they would be brought in by police or family due to violent or sexual acting out. they would be physically deformed, & so developmentally disabled that they often could not even recognize family members, much less bonded with them. as much as i had always wanted children (& knew this might be my only chance to bear a child, & as much as my body wanted the child, i knew i could not sentence a human being to a life that did not include the ability to love, be nurtured or experience being love. abortion was my only option. we had a planned parenthood near me, i scheduled my appointment. my boyfriend neither went with me or helped me pay for the procedure. i ran into the woman who was the building director from the hospital. we tried to be encouraging to the other women but as soon as the procedure was over i became extremely depressed. obviously a hormonal reaction, i figured. as it turned out i was experiencing post-partum depression. as years past & i got sober, i realized i had bi-polar disorder. women with this disorder frequently experience a more severe form of ppd. i ditched the boyfriend not long after the abortion as he told me if i ”got pregnant again he’d have nothing to do with” me. the end of the pregnancy was a great loss to me & i mourn the child i might’ve had. but i would make the same decision again. i have no doubt i made the moral decision & i’m grateful for the availability of their services. i vote. i will vote blue. women can not afford to lose their choice as to whether they are ready, able or interested in bearing children. i donate regularly to pp. i stand with planned parenthood!! this is my story. i’m sticking to it!