abused as a child and sexually abused as well, i had little examples of good parenting. i was raped at 19 and gave birth to a son. my parents decided i was not fit to raise him and took him from me by lying in court. they also had money and i was just surviving after leaving home at age 14 …7 years of misery in court over custody. i had a second child by my first husband who became abusive and took my daughter at birth. i chased him down in over 3 states to get her. i lost. i decided to not have any children. birth control made me violently ill. i had abortions. not as a means of birth control…i tried to not get pregnant and was surprised i did. i was told my insides were tore up from abuse as a child. when in my late 30’s i became pregnant i kept the child and he is wonderful. this was the right time to have a child. i still keep in close contact with my first son and his beautiful family…he doesn’t know about the product of rape…i told him i made some choices and one was to keep him. i love him dearly! i do not advise keeping a rapists child…unless you can let go of the person who committed the crime from that of the child born. i was. few can. i rarely get to see my daughter. her father and family really turned her against me. but it’s ok and what is, just is. she knows i love her and she can call or see me at anytime she wants. my youngest is getting ready for college and he’s awesome. i talked to the judge who took my first child from me and gave him to my parents. he said he thought i had been abused (i was in foster care due to abuse and neglect) but he was helpless to do anything on my behalf. i needed to hear that. as for the abortions, i think about it often. i’m glad i did what i had to do…i hope there was no pain or suffering. i don’t believe in gods or god so it is over and that is it…no more for me…no more pain…no more shame…fewer tears…the town in oklahoma i come from will never let me live it down…they bring up the past often and i relive events which is one reason i do not believe in or advocate for christianity…its a lie! christians are some of the worst people on the face of this earth. but life goes on and so do i, with or without any forgiveness from society. i now advocate for children who have been or are being abused, products of rape, marginalized, denied equity or equality….that’s a whole lot of children in oklahoma….our governor is crap!