i am 23 years old. i am a first generation college student
from a single migrant parent household.

i made it to a prestigious 4 year university and in october, my last semester, i got pregnant. i had dropped out of school for a year due to depression and made my comeback this year and with only weeks left of school, i got pregnant.

i had already been accepted to a program abroad and excited to be living a reality my family had only ever dreamed of. i decided at first to carry the pregnancy to full term, scared and stressed, i’d hold my belly every night and would find peace like i’ve never felt before. as a survivor of abuse, sexual assault, depression and anxiety, that peace was magical. i held the universe in my womb and made the hardest choice i’ve ever had to make in my life. i know now that pure love does exist, in its natural, untainted, celestial form and one day i will seek that love again. but for now, i decided that i was not ready to be a mother. i want to go to go abroad, i want to get a phd, i want to have a stable life when i decide to be a parent. for now i just hold on to the memory of that incomparable warmth and unconditional love i’ve felt and with resiliency in my every breath, move forward. i cry when i think about it. i think about ‘what if?’ i know i made the right choice for myself and always knew i would not be ready to be a young mom, but i share my story because yes, it hurts. i don’t regret my choice but i recognize the emotions that linger and i want other women to know they are not alone. y’all are beautiful and so strong!