my iud abandoned me last summer. it left me. it made its getaway right under my nose, probably during a period, when i was using the menstrual cup.

i had no idea it was gone until i went to the doctor to ask her why the hell i missed a period and had a positive preg test. she did an ultrasound, and instead of an iud we found an embryo. talk about a rude surprise. i am so not ready to be a mom. i have nightmares about people handing me a strange baby and telling me it’s mine, but it’s not mine, and it’s terrifying. i love kids, but now is not the right time to have one. i also drank the entire time i was unknowingly pregnant. the decision was easy, and i had support from my boyfriend and mother. i opted for the pill-induced miscarriage. it was painful but a huge relief. and i walked away knowing more about myself. i now know what it’s like to be pregnant. i don’t get morning sickness… i get all-day-long-can’t-even-think-about-food sickness, and i’m an iron-clad bitch itching for a fight. and i now know what it’s like to make this choice. i’m not choosing not to have a child, i’m just choosing to do so at a better time. and one day, when i do become a mother, i will be so glad that motherhood is a choice and not an accident.