i had my first abortion when i was 16 after getting involved with a divorced neighbor i had babysat for who was 16 years older than me.

i had low self-esteem, was looking for someone to love me, and had difficulty saying no.

he should’ve known better certainly–or at least made sure we used birth control though i also should’ve been responsible. my parents had to agree to the “procedure.” we were going to family counseling, and the therapist was supportive. following this, i ended up marrying him for some stupid reason–part of it was to get away from my controlling mother and the other was likely that i convinced myself i was in love, after all. i stayed married 12 years and had two wonderful children, who are now grown and quite successful–and not just financially. i had started taking college courses toward the end of the marriage. my husband made me feel like a piece of meat by brushing my boob when i went by, lifting the covers to look at my genitals before leaving for work, and basically raping me the last time we had sex (i just laid there).

my second abortion was when i was 31. i had been seeing someone i worked with–basically forced him into the relationship by going to his place and asking him to go places. he wasn’t even very cute and not thrilled i had two children. he had told me he was going out of town for a new job (he told me he was working in one city but actually it was another). i had stopped taking the pill but had sex with him before he moved. i remember wishing i would get pregnant–what an idiot i was!! i told him of my condition, and he wanted me to get an abortion, but not to let his mother ever know, since his family was catholic. since i didn’t want to face the stigma of being pregnant and didn’t want my children to feel ashamed, i did. again, i had no regrets. it was so stupid of me not to use protection–and him!!

i ended up marrying him and we had a child a year after–his one and only. i had an iud put in–which i noticed had recently expired though my gynecologist wasn’t worried about. low and behold, i got pregnant in three months! he wanted me to have the baby but i just couldn’t do it! as it was, he wasn’t very helpful, wanted me to finish my education, so i could teach and make money. i was quite dissatisfied as the ten years passed. he had nothing to do with my older children and his idea of a good time on the weekends was to sleep late and watch sports. what was really weird was that every time we had sex, both he and i would wear shirts. he never touched my boobs much less other areas. that was quite bizarre! i decided it would be better to not be married if i was going to do things alone without him.

while some may be shocked by me having three abortions in my lifetime, it’s really none of their business! i find it interesting that many conservatives don’t want government interference in people’s lives, but want to ban abortion. i have no regrets and never wonder what it would’ve been like had i had these potential children.