‪#standwithpp‬ i never wanted kids. i got pregnant in college when i was 17. it was within the first 3 months of a horrid relationship. i had no job, no car, no license, and still lived with my parents. they were completely disappointed but also very uneducated on the matters of abortion. i was too. i vomited from the first day to the last. i was hospitalized 6 times during my pregnancy because i didn’t want to be pregnant.

the doctors all said my body was treating it as the flu. i was put on several vomiting meds and carried an ice cream bucket to college to puke in. my labor was induced at 37 weeks. it was a very hard labor. i had blood clots and pushed four hours to no avail. finally she was born happy and healthy. her father/donor hasn’t been a part of her life. he was physically and emotionally abusive, on drugs, and is constantly in and out of jail. my parents raised my daughter while i worked and went to college. i was devastated, confused, and scared.

i fell for a guy at college. my daughter was 6 months old. we stayed together for 3 years. within that time i miscarried once and was hospitalized. the doctors told me it was most likely caused by endometriosis. i was ashamed to have gotten pregnant again within a year of having a child. i chose to be put on depovera the birth control shot. my boyfriend and i got married after he graduated from the marines. we tried to conceive because we were happy and financially stable. after 9 months of marriage he left suddenly in the night while my daughter and i slept. with him he took everything. the first income tax check we filed jointly the day before, the only vehicle we had, even diapers. three days later…the worst happened. i found out i was pregnant like we planned. news that was supposed to finally be good. a pregnancy we wanted. a chance at normal life…a family. but again i had no job because of a recent move, was a single mother all over again, battling an unwanted divorce, dealing with bad health, and was without a vehicle.

my husband paid for an abortion over the phone like the coward he is. i went through with it with support from friends. it was medically necessary and i’m not ashamed of it. i made a choice for mine and my daughter’s lives. the hardest part of my decision was all the judgment to come. i live in a small town. information spreads like wildfire. i live in the bible belt. religion was used so much against me and thrown in my face so much it actually changed the way i believe. i’ve had horrible things said to me. all with an audience standing behind them….sticking up for them and their hatred. people have told me i’m a bad mother, who doesn’t deserve my daughter, that i’m going to hell, and that i’m a baby killer. my abortion was at 6weeks and 3 days. before the procedure, i had an ultrasound. no heart beat arms or legs or anything was on that screen. i know because i saw it and spoke to my nurse about it. my decision was right for my life. i very well could have died trying to continue it or brought a child into this world suffering from disabilities. a child i didn’t want nor could afford. a child again with no father. i would be a 22 year old divorced mother of 2. if i lived. i made a choice. i will never be ashamed.

the everyday struggle of someone finding out or judging based on uneducated and biased logic is real. no woman going through what i did should ever be compared to a woman that murders her already born living breathing feeling baby. ever. there is a difference. i’m tired of abortion being a bad word. i want to be able to tell my story without losing friends, family, jobs or being looked at as a murderer. ‪#istandwithpp‬ this is why i chose to tell my story.