i was 19 when i had my abortion. i found out i was pregnant the first day of my missed period by taking a test in the bathroom during a party.

i cried to my best guy friends that were there but inside was low key happy, because me and my boyfriend actually knew it was going to happen by all the times of unprotected sex. when i told my boyfriend he was so happy and wanted me to keep the baby. we were only together for 2 months at the time, and he was living in a half way house. i also lived with just my mom, while my younger sister lived at my aunt and uncles previously taken by dcfs, and my alcoholic dad was drinking again in his own apartment. i had no job, and my boyfriend didn’t either. i was drinking and smoking cigs, and no one in my life said i could do it right now. i knew inside what i had to do, and i went and had an surgical abortion at 7 weeks. i went with my mom, completely numb the entire time. and cried for days afterwards.
all i ever wanted my whole life was to be a mom. and i let everybody convince me that i couldn’t do it. the baby was supposed to be born on his birthday, february 15, 2 weeks before mine (february 29th) and it is a leap year just like when i was born. so it would’ve been either of our signs which really messes me up inside, like i was supposed to have this baby. months later i still cry about it everyday. i feel like i made a mistake, but i’m hoping one day i see that i made the right decision and i meet my beautiful angel some point. because the guilt i have eats me alive, and i wish so badly this never happened at all.