my husband and i have always been totally honest with each other and have never questioned the need or right of women to have abortion as an option. we both had always taken our birth control seriously and had planned both our children.

however, birth control is not foolproof. one night, the condom we used failed and burst at the tip. i knew i was at a fertile time. my husband was laid back and thought i should just wait and see if my period date passed. but, i fretted for two days, knowing i was overwhelmed as it was with my responsibilities and could not be a good mother or financially provide all the opportunities i wanted for all of my children if i had a third child.

also, i knew my body had problems and i feared that a third pregnancy would severely impact my overall health and attitude about myself. (i just now discovered a decade later that i have been dealing with multiple sclerosis, so i was correct.)

so, even though my husband supported me to not have another chid, i felt i had to go against his wait-and-see attitude and went to wal-mart and purchased the “morning after” pill. i was very relieved a week later when i had my period. i can’t imagine if i had had to go to a doctor and “talk” with them or be examined or pay them or fight them to get an abortion (which is what it would have been). this was totally in my control, on my own time, in the privacy of my home – just like the sex and the broken condom. it was easy and exactly what i needed – no hassle. no one could ever convince me that a god might have wanted me to have another child. it was simply an accident! plain and simple – just as its resolution was. and, my husband was totally supportive.

i’m very nervous to think that i don’t have the same access now – and that my daughter doesn’t have it either. we live in a very conservative area and it’s hard to even find doctors who would support an abortion, let alone provide one. that is simply not right. it’s not their business and i shouldn’t have to get “permission” to deal with my private life, my future, my financial stability, my health, or my body.

i’ve never regretted my decision and never even think about it except when defending women’s rights. i ache for these poor women who have mistakenly taken hormonal fluctuations caused by abortions as a reason they shouldn’t have had the abortion. their feelings of loss can be easily attributed to hormones, lack of open and positive communication about their situation with their family or significant other, and negative religious influence.

i recently watched a video about a woman who regrets her decision. she was only about 16 when she had an abortion, and now in her late 30s still regrets it. her minister has pushed her to believe that it is because god prepared her to be a mother as a teenager, and she went against his will. so sad! she doesn’t realize that it was more about her mother (whom she talked about) and everyone involved acting like it never happened and never being able to talk about it with anyone which made her feel like a “bad girl” – and that her hormones dropped.  no one was there to help her through it. she was alone. very sad for her and women like her that their emotional health suffers due to lack of information and supportive relationships. they are misguided to feel badly about themselves by people who have an agenda which is not helpful to them. i wish the women who regret their decision could find solace in understanding and facts and positive connections.

as for me, i’ll always fight for the right of women to control what happens to their bodies and their lives. i’m very grateful and happy i had the legal and safe choice when i needed it!