when i was 15, i had a sleepover with 2 girls who were daughters of a friend of my parents. we were not friends. 1 was a year older than me, 1 a year younger. at some point in the evening we reached the point of “one upmanship” and started telling tales.

i actually am sure that the tales they told were true, but maybe i’m naïve. but when cornered with so many other tales of how worldly and mature they were, i lied. i told them than i had gotten pregnant and that my father had forced me to have an abortion. i passed it off as not a big deal. i stood proud that night. i had gone farther than them into the world of adulthood. until 2 weeks later. i came home from school and both my parents were there. and they wanted to talk. they asked if i had had an abortion. they asked if i had been pregnant. i remember my father saying “see, you messed up. these girls have never known a dad, so they asked their mother, ‘is this what a dad is like?'” and then the actual lecture started. it was a friday night and the lecture didn’t truly end until sunday night. my father was absolutely pro-life. he was a born christian, a quaker, the son of a minister, and a resolute republican. i am not describing him, those are just some of the reasons he listed for being anti-abortion. he, as well as my mother, were both very upset that i had said this horrible thing. that in the face of peer pressure, i had gone the extra mile into hell.

7 months later, i got pregnant. at the age of 16. i was so sure i would keep this baby. my parents would surely back me up and love it as i would. until my parents found out i was actually pregnant. to this day i can hear my father shouting “if everything goes right it will still cost $2000 for you to squat on a table and shit that thing out!” i argued that i wanted the baby. he gave me a choice. a choice of methods. i could get an abortion, or he could just beat it out of me. he made me make the phone calls to find the cheapest place. i remember being appalled at the cost of $300 for an abortion. thought later it turned out to be $325 because i was rh negative.

i could barely make the call. i was crying so hard. but i did. the appointment was in less than 48 hours. the nurse was wonderful. i had to get a thing implanted and then go back the next day. to this day, i can remember something about bamboo? but i’m not sure. so that thing expanded over night and the next day i had the abortion. it was painful, and scary and deeply humiliating. my mother was with me the entire time and she just kept praying for me. then it was over.
i am supposed to tell you now how horrible it was and how it affected my life forever. so here goes.

11 months later i met john. and we hit it off. i had to leave home forever and travel to meet him, but there you go. i never would have it i had had a baby. it’s now 27 years later. john and i have been married 26 years. we have 4 gorgeous children. i would never have met the man of my dreams if i had not had that abortion. in my entire life, this is the only thing i am thankful for that my father chose for me. my biggest regret about my abortion is that i did not, and was not, able to choose it for myself.