it was seven years ago, i was 25. i still have the questionnaire from the doctors visit. one question asked “do you want to be pregnant? yes/no.” i put an x through both.

a friend of mine had a marine buddy in town and wanted to go out and have a good time. he was cute and charming with beautiful blue eyes. they stayed the night. the first time he used a condom. i was a heavy sleeper and woke up later in the night to us having unprotected sex. i woke up early that morning and somehow knew i was pregnant. i never liked bacon and went to the store to pick some up before they were even awake. the next day i took the plan b pill. two days later he left. one week after that i confirmed i was pregnant. the next day my buddy told me his friends referred to me as snagletooth. then the marine posted on facebook that he had gotten a girl (not me) pregnant. i never expected anything from him but i was devastated. i was single and alone. i weighed my options. i couldn’t afford to give this child a decent life. i couldn’t move in with my parents because they were hoarders and that was no place to raise a child. i knew that i could never emotionally bare the pain of giving my child up for adoption and not be a part of it’s life. everyday i wanted to throw myself down a flight of stairs. i knew i would be looked at with shame. my parents have always been very vocally pro-life. the only person i confided in was my sister who assured me no matter what my decision was she would be there to help & support me. thank god she was because i may not be here today if she hadn’t. if i knew then what i know today i would not have made that decision. i still struggle with whether i should tell my parents. my dad still posts anti-abortion things on facebook and it always brings me to tears. i want to tell my parents, not for forgiveness, but so that they may understand that condemnation without offering support or soloutions only creates fear of judgement. sometimes a little bit of support and compassion is way more powerful in saving a life or two.