i’m 22 years old and about to start my fifth and last year of college. i broke up with my boyfriend a little more than 2 weeks before i found out i was pregnant.

i knew right away that i couldn’t have a baby. my ex is an irresponsible 23 year old undergrad floundering his way into his sixth year of school and failing classes every semester. he is so focused on himself and his “music career” that i felt like an after thought most of the time we were together. if he couldn’t even handle having a girlfriend and going to school, how the hell could he possibly handle the responsibility of having a child? and how could i handle having a child at 22, with $1,000 in savings and about $25,000 in student loan debt? i didn’t want to doom my child and myself to whatever kind of sad life we could look forward to with that type of foundation. i decided against telling my ex. his mother was 16 when he was born and doesn’t hesitate to remind him that she changed her mind “at the doors of the abortion clinic.” i knew he couldn’t change my mind, and i felt that knowing would cause unnecessary emotional trauma for him. other than my mother, who took me to the clinic, only my dad and my best friend knew where i was the morning of the abortion. it’s about 3 weeks later now. i spent the first two weeks crying myself to sleep under the weight of this horrible secret i thought i would have to carry inside for the rest of my life. i still won’t tell my ex, but i’ve recently told some close family members and friends. deciding to tell people my secret takes away it’s power over me. this whole situation is about being in control of my life. i’ve worked hard so far and am proud of the life i’m building for myself, and i can’t let that be ruined, for my sake and for the sake of children who will come when it’s time.