the condom broke. i felt it and i knew. the next week, i went to the clinic at college and did a stick pregnancy test. it came back positive. i was 20 and not ready to be pregnant, but the condom had broken.

i had the procedure and dreamt about my “baby” for years, whenever i could sleep. as an unloved child, i felt a connection with my loved child who i had lost. in my dreams, i could not see her face and her back was always towards me.

it was the worst, most responsible decision i have ever made. i still love my girl and know that she knows this.

in case you are wondering, i never found out the sex of my child, i just know she was a girl.