at 38 yrs old i finally was divorced but not free from my ex. we shared custody of our two sons and i got pregnant after being sexually assaulted by him.

unfortunately, not a rare occurrence even after the marriage ended but not something the probate court was willing to consider when granting custody because as a dad he was so involved with his sons. deciding to have an abortion was a wise choice that i never doubt, but the pain of letting go of my baby never completely diminishes. i made my choice because i knew not doing so would have meant returning to an abusive relationship, living in a state of constant anxiety while he cheated on me over and over while making me feel like i was crazy, and worst of all would have stolen me away from being the mom i wanted to be for my boys. it’s three years later and i know i choose correctly. i am healthier as a mom, i don’t live in constant fear and i feel a greater sense of control over what happens to me. i still cry for the child it was not safe for me to bring into this world. i feel that piece of emptiness and struggle with having nothing tangible, just a piece of paper stating i had an abortion march 30, 2012. i’m 41 now and i won’t have anymore babies. i’m not in a relationship that part is still to scary. i grieve for many losses in my life but i work to remember that i have two sons who are growing up to be loving, sensitive men. i hope in part they thrive because i have tried to consider what they need most from me as their mom and i have made those tough choices. i have learned to talk about my struggles in being a survivor of domestic violence, having a husband that cheated on me,and even my experiences with severe depression and ptsd,but i grieve the loss of my baby to abortion alone because it is unacceptable with so many people i know to acknowledge that choice as a legitimate loss.