i remember every detail of the day i found out i was pregnant. my boyfriend and i were already assuming i was and went to the nearest pregnancy center to get a free test and some information. when i saw the two lines (one line meaning not pregnant), my heart dropped to the floor. i remember not hearing a word the woman across from my boyfriend and i because of the questions going through my head. “how will i move to the city with a baby?” how could i go through college?” until she asked if i knew what my options were. i sat there for a moment and said “i need to terminate this pregnancy”. we made the mistake of going to a pro-life organization, and of course bombarded with the myths of being scarred for life and that it will wreck my emotional stability. i left there feeling like a criminal. like i was killing someone with my own hands, and that feeling stayed all through the week i waited to have my abortion. i had the vacuum abortion at a women’s institute in minnesota. there were protesters, but they had a security team keeping them at bay, so that took a little stress off my shoulders. i had to have an ultrasound done and it looked like a single cheerio in a bowl! it didn’t look remotely like a baby and if i had control over it, it never would… and i did. everyone working was so polite and always made sure at every corner that you were sure you wanted to go through with it, and empowered you! i was under 18 and had to get a judicial bypass, which was quick and easy, and right after is when i had the procedure. it was so quick and the only painful part was the prick i felt of novicane being injected into my cervix. it took less than 15 minutes. that same day i also had an iud put in (which i love, because i don’t have to take any pills or worry about it for five years). right afterwords i was on a high of relief and happiness. i had my future back, i had my life back. i had every stress and worry off my shoulders. but my rush of relief was replaced with guilt that following week. for a couple months i beat myself up constantly. i just felt awful. but after the hormones went away i just had a sense of loss for a while, and now i hardly think about it. every now and then i think of what my life would be like if i had kept it. sometimes i wish i had, but most of the time i’m thankful for the fact that i have a future now. i’ve applied at colleges and taken tours… without a baby in my arms. i’ve finished high school. i’ve moved to the city and following the music… i’ve found new freedom through the choice i made. a second chance at growing up at my own pace. it’s worth it.