my husband and i have 3 daughters, current ages 10, 14, and almost 18. when the youngest was only 5 months old i discovered i was pregnant again. the baby was supposed to be our last.

we had just bought a house and we made the decision together that it wouldn’t be responsible of us to bring another child into the family. i didn’t want to go to a clinic or my doctor to get it done so i found a website where i could get pharmaceuticals to take care of it on my own.

if i talk about it now, i’ll usually say i miscarried. my husband slept through the process and i’m still angry about that. i still feel so guilty about having to make that choice. i still apologize to “her” often. i believe it was the best choice for the family but i’m not convinced it was the best choice for me. i really appreciate having this outlet where i can speak freely about my situation.