i think about the choice i made to have an abortion every day of my life.

i wonder if it means i will go to hell. i wonder if it means i killed my baby. i wonder if it felt the pain of dying. to this day i am terrified to look and see what a fetus looks like at seven weeks old because i am afraid it will look more like a human than i can emotionally handle. i started crying when the doctor did the ultrasound and he just sneered and said, “why are you crying?” five years later i am now in law school and a generally unemotional person, but as we read cases on murder i wonder how close i am to those people and it brings tears to my eyes.