i’m telling my abortion story because it is not sensational.

i had an abortion because i thought that having that third baby, which would have meant having three kids ages 3 and under, would have deprived my two children of the attention and care that i wanted to offer them, that i knew they deserved, that i owed them. i found it hard enough balancing my work as a part-time teacher and parenting the two little ones i had. my husband would have had to drop out of graduate school to find work and i would have had to stop working altogether. having an abortion just seemed to make the most sense.

i had a medical abortion, which is not readily accessible in most of canada. i feel fortunate that i was able to access this service. i found it to be non-invasive and far less clinical than what i imagine a surgical abortion would be like. at 2.5 weeks from conception, i terminated the pregnancy and i have not looked back. i feel no regret.

at this point, with children now 3 and almost 5, my husband and i are considering having a third child. and still, i feel no regret. i never think of that fetus as a baby or as the child i might have had. as i type my story now, i just figured out for the first time how old that child would have been today. it has never even occurred to me to consider this before. and as i do now, it is only as a math calculation and is note remotely accompanied by a vision of some ethereal child.

the counselor at the clinic (counseling session was mandatory) helped me articulate my decision. she said, “the choice to terminate a pregnancy is a choice to be a better mother.” a woman chooses not to have that baby because she feels like circumstances would not permit her to provide for that child as she would want to. ergo, choosing to not have the baby is choosing to be a better mother. period. and i love that it really is that simple.