i was in my mid-thirties, married, and child-free. i was completely focused on my career in it and loving every minute of my life.

i had become ill and had woken up with nausea more than once, and after a missed period i took a pregnancy test. it came up positive. i remember my first feeling was one of horror, followed closely by anger and deep disappointment. back in those days, no one bothered to tell women that antibiotics can temper the effect of oral contraceptives. fortunately i made a good living and was able to afford the cash-only, payment up front policy of my ob-gyn. i was sick and woozy for about half a day, but i have never regretted my decision, not even for a nanosecond. it doesn’t matter why we make the decisions we make. did i mention that the handful of doctors i talked to about getting my tubes tied told me that they wouldn’t do it? “oh, you’ll change your mind!” they all said. i had no voice in whether or not i wanted to reproduce up front; at least i had a voice after i became pregnant. this isn’t about when life begins or what the deity that you worship tells you to do: it’s about controlling the lives and bodies and sexuality of women because female autonomy frightens people. tough toenails. that cat isn’t going back into that bag.