i was 22. i had just graduated from college and recently accepted into a teaching credential program. my ex-boyfriend and i just moved in together, everything was going in the direction it was supposed to.

he was much older than me, he wanted kids and a family and to move back to spain. all of that it scared me, to death. i was just figuring out my life, i couldn’t take on the responsibility of bringing another life into this world. i never even thought about it. until i realized i skipped my period, i had a craving for sprite like i have never had before and it seemed that overnight i had a bladder the size of an almond. i took a test and it had two lines, my heart skipped a beat or two. this couldn’t happen to me. i went to a clinic they talked to me when i told them i wanted an abortion they told me “that is not what god wants”. you see i have pku, if i don’t follow my diet when pregnant the baby is likely to be mentally retarded or physically handicapped. i couldn’t live with that risk. they told me babies are resistant they fight through this and when i told them i wanted to teach special education they told me “i don’t understand why you think you wouldn’t be the perfect mother for this child”. i wanted to scream, i wanted to cry, i wanted to wake up from this nightmare. i told no one. i went to planned parenthood and they saved me. a week later i took the pill. i didn’t tell anybody, except one single soul. just in case something went wrong. i can remember it like it was yesterday, i was crying in the bathroom and just flushed a heartbeat out to sea and my boyfriend stood on the other side of the door screaming at me. he didn’t know the battle i was facing, he had no idea what i was going through. the next morning i was okay, i was alive and i was relieved. i saved a child that would have most likely had little to no life. i am okay with that. i knew at that moment my relationship was over, and i have been ashamed until now. thank you.