i traveled to mexico when i was 17. i went to study pottery and spanish. i started seeing a man 10 years older than i was- i got pregnant. he begged me to keep it. he asked me to stay in mexico and he would take care of us or he would raise our child and i could return home to the u.s.. i was young and hardly knew myself but i knew that i didn’t love myself enough to love a child.

i didn’t want to ruin that child’s life because i was still a child. i didn’t want to need my child’s love to be ok. so a few days before i flew home i took some pills, illegal pills in mexico. one in my mouth, one in my vagina and that started the bleeding. i flew home and was not well but was soo ashamed i faked ignorance as to what was happening to me. i wish i had trusted that i would still be loved if i told the truth. my mom would have helped me not abandoned me in this time. i didn’t tell anyone for a long time and then slowly i forgave myself. i knew i had given myself a new life, a second chance. slowly i forgave myself and now i tell my story when it will help some one. i tell my story because i was worth a second chance.