i was 20 and in an on and off relationship for 4 years. at the time my drug addicted mother kicked me out and i just got my first apartment in a bad area of a town i was new to, far away from the place i grew up.

i was working 6 days a week at minimum wage and going to school full time. i was on birth control and was having side affects from it so i stopped it and that week my boyfriend and i had sex and the condom broke. i took the day after pill that night. that day he broke up with me. two weeks later i started feeling sick and i knew i was pregnant. for two weeks i tried to deny it and i tried to talk to him but he was ignoring me and when he would answer he would tell me i was dellusional and that i wasn’t pregnant and i was trying to get him back. i forced him to see me so i could take the pregnancy test in front of him. when it came up positive he had no reaction just started telling me about the abortion process because he had cheated on me during our relationship and got another girl pregnant. i left his house and never felt more alone. i had no money no family to turn to. i had nothing to give. i was broken mentally from a horrible upbringing and then spending 4 years with a boy who abused me mentally. i had nothing to give to a child. i knew he wouldn’t be there for the child. he would use the child to control my actions and i knew if i kept it he would use it against me to break me more. he was controlling and abusive and if i kept it, i would have never escaped him. i never wanted kids because i knew i didnt know how to love them. i scheduled the abortion and went with my best friend. it was a few days before christmas and *he* showed up at the clinic with a $20 gift card to victorias secret. because that would make up for it in his eyes. my best friend left while he was there and he waited with me until i went in and then left. my best friend helped carry me out to the car where i proceeded to throw up. she took care of me that day and he never brought it up again. to this day i think about it constantly, but i dont regret my decission.