i was 23 and in a new relationship with a man that i already thought i would marry, but we had been together only two months when we had a condom failure, and a few weeks later i took a positive pregnancy test. i called my mom right away, sobbing.

she said i had several choices, and that all of them had lifelong consequences, but that i didn’t have to have a baby if i didn’t want one. i did want to have kids, eventually, but i wanted a more stable relationship and financial base before i brought more people into the world. and more than anything, i felt very strongly about only bring very much wanted children into the world. i never wanted to tell my kids that i wasn’t 100% excited when i found out i was pregnant.

when i told my boyfriend, he held me and told me he would support my decision no matter what. so i went to a women’s health clinic in my liberal pnw city (no protesters, no judgment — i’m so grateful i had such easy access!!) and had a counseling session with a doctor who agreed with my reasons for wanting an abortion and cleared me for the procedure. i took a valium. my mom and my boyfriend went with me, and held my hands during the procedure. i was devastated afterward. i had never been so sad. it was hard to make a decision like that, because it does cut off a potential pathway for all the lives involved. but i don’t regret my decision. not ever.

i’m now married to that man — we’ve been together 16 years and married for 13. we have two beautiful children that we planned. when i found out i was pregnant with each of them, we both cried tears of joy, and the happiest days of my life are the days they were born. i’m so grateful i had the choice to have children when we were ready. we are better partners, people, and parents because we had that choice.