i was 18 and it was fall of 2008 during my first semester of college when i found out that i was pregnant. my boyfriend and i had been seeing each other for about a year. i was using an oral contraceptive but i’m convinced that over the summer when i switched from one type to another was when the baby was conceived.

all throughout high school i had my particular view of abortion. i thought that unless a woman’s life was in danger from continuing her pregnancy or that she became pregnant via rape that she should take responsibility for her actions and have the baby. if you don’t want a baby then take the necessary steps to not become pregnant right? how very humbled i was.

because of my righteous views i had at first decided i would not terminate the pregnancy. then the depression settled in… how could i have been so stupid? what would become of my life, my dreams? i felt like i had nowhere to turn. i just knew that if i told my parents they would be angry and utterly disappointed with me. my life was ruined. i was so very conflicted.

i didn’t want to have a child, but i had to take responsibility for my actions. it was through the love and support of two people, my older sister and my boyfriend, that allowed me to realize that by having an abortion i would indeed be taking responsibility for my actions and in the proper way. having a child is an enormous, life changing commitment. i was in no way ready for it. reaching out to my sister i found out for the first time that both she and my mother had had abortions. i was also very fortunate that my boyfriend was as kind and supportive of both the decision to keep and then terminate the pregnancy. i wish i would not have had to have an abortion, but i am thankful that i was able to. the decisions to either have or to not have a baby are both difficult ones, neither should be taken lightly. women need support from their friends, sisters, mothers, aunts and fellow women about whether it is right for them. i wish i had not felt so alone and i wish there wasn’t such a stigma about talking about or having an abortion and perhaps i could have had more support during my difficult decision.