i had an abortion about 2 weeks after i turned 20. i’d been on the pill since i was 16, but had forgotten to take it home around spring break and skipped 2 days. my boyfriend at the time didn’t wear a condom for a few sexual encounters, and even though we used the pull-out method, i became pregnant.

i felt off (crampy, sore boobs) and took 3 pregnancy tests the week i found out. the first 2 were negative, then on the third day it was positive. i was barely 4 weeks pregnant at the time. i knew i wouldn’t be with my boyfriend forever. we actually weren’t talking when i found out about the pregnancy because he got so drunk he stood me up at a death cab for cutie concert (haha now, but then, not so much). i went to the campus health center for a blood test because i was in denial. it came back positive and the nurse sat me in a room to share the results and then placed a binder in front of me with my “options”. there were lists of mom help groups and adoption centers. there was nothing about abortion, and i felt intimidated to ask the nurse in front of me with her family photos of beautiful blonde children behind her. so i googled it and found a place 40 miles away. it was $430 for the “abortion pill”. my boyfriend was 30 minutes late to pick me up. i decided to look at the ultrasound, and there was barely anything there, being only 4-5 weeks. the bleeding i had after this was less than most of my periods. no cramping.

i’m married with 2 children now and sometimes i wonder what my life would’ve turned out to be if i hadn’t terminated my pregnancy. i wouldn’t have ended up with my husband. i would’ve moved home from school. who knows what else. i know i would’ve loved that baby, but resented it too. i don’t think any choice we make in our life is 100% right or 100% wrong. i just know that i’m more okay with this decision than not. i think if i would’ve found out past 8 weeks, when you can’t take the pill any more and it has to be surgical, i would’ve had a more difficult time with it.