i’d always known i was not mother material. i would be the woman you see yelling at her child. the one that you wonder why she ever had a kid.

i was 27 when my father was diagnosed with brain cancer. the 6 months before he died was an emotional time. which could account for my becoming pregnant while taking bifth control pills.

there was never a question about an having an abortion. my husband never blinked an eye when i told him. which was great as he was an abusive alcoholic. not only did i not want children, i could not imagine bringing a child into that situation.

so i made my appointment, had an abortion. and made an appointment that same day to have a tubal ligation. you see, i hadnt had one earlier as no gynecologist would perform the surgery while i was single. and i needed to have my husband give the gyn his approval for me to have it. like i was an imbecile, unable to make my own decisions about my healthcare.